I have captured less than 10 hours of sleep in 3 days, and I’m exhausted. If any of you have insomnia you know the battle of being crippled with fatigue, the excitement of going to bed because you know tonight is the night you’ll fall asleep because you’re that tired. You crawl under the covers with confidence, turn off the lights, and 4 hours later you’re staring at the ceiling fan thinking about that humiliating moment in 2nd grade PE when you had to do pull-ups in front of your class and they were laughing the whole time because your zipper was down. And then that reminds you of the time when….

And the never-ending story continues on and on and on and on and on until it’s late enough that you’re now stressing over how little sleep you’re going to have again tonight, and now you’ve trapped yourself into another night of no sleep.

One of my thoughts during the night have been, “How will the boy’s mother complete her services of having a stable income and stable housing for the boys during COVID19? Will she still get them back if she doesn’t? What would that mean for “George” and “Abu”? Would she voluntarily terminate her rights if we agree to continue visits? Would adopting them be best for the boys or am I just being selfish?”

I am too tired to think about it all now, and hopefully I’ll be too tired to think about it tonight.