The foster system has a personality disorder.

Even though the system is guided by a set of laws, there are so many gray areas that it makes the system unstable and at times seemingly dysfunctional.

We’ve been presented with a case that I could easily get excited about, but it’s a gamble. I guess that’s like most things in life, including having your own children. You take a chance and see what happens, hoping for the best.

Our home study was submitted through our agency over a month ago, and we still haven’t heard anything. I would think there would be some sort of rush to get these kids into an adoptive home. I could imagine a panel of a about 15 people in a conference room with a child’s photo on a big screen with everyone desperately rifling through home studies and applications trying to find the forever home for this child. Someone would yell “Eureka!” Waving an application in hand like it was a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Then they would send the finalist off to the next department who gives a “yay” or “nay”, and then they move on to the next child.

But the wait time makes me wonder if it’s more like the “Did you get the memo?” Scene in Office Space or waiting at the DMV in Zootopia. Whatever it is, I’m twiddling my fingers thinking “I’m ready! Come on!”

I feel like I’ve been doing this a lot in my life these days, especially with the book I’m working on. By the way, dear reader, I have reservations calling it a “book”, because I don’t know if any publisher will actually pick it up, but then I think “Well, then I’ll publish it myself!”….although the thought of a big publishing company telling me they love my work and that I should quit my job and write books full time makes me feel quite bubbly. Every morning, I hate leaving my home office where I do my writing to go to my actual job because I feel this sense of urgency to have someone at (I don’t know, let’s say Scholastic ) read this story and say, “This is a masterpiece and must be in bookstores and school libraries right away!” This is why I don’t post on my blog much. Any available time I have goes towards having an intern read the first few sentences and running it to a big time editor at a publishing company saying something along the lines of “I’ve found the golden ticket!”…..*sigh*

Anyways…

And yet I know that if we adopt a child, I won’t have as much time to devote to writing. That scares me, too. I want to be a mother, but I want to be make my living as a writer. My current job as a teacher requires complete devotion.

At least I love the part I’m supposed to do, which is TEACH. I love teaching and watching children LEARN. The bureaucracy stuff is what makes most educators want to quit. It tears away the very core of what we chase after.

Interestingly, much like the foster system. It’s sad how many people I’ve talked to who want to help children in foster care but won’t do it because of the system. I don’t blame them. Like I said, the system is dysfunctional. But this is my journey right now. So be it.

Whatever happens, Michael and I will make it work. My dreams will come true one way or another. I guess I just have to be patient, which has never been my best quality. But whatever happens, I want to know what it’s going to be RIGHT NOW.

Hmm. Maybe I’m the one the personality disorder.