We’re getting another placement.

I’ve been so hesitant to talk about it or write about it because….well, I’m excited about it.

And, dear reader, I don’t want to be.

It’s a legal risk case, meaning that the child’s legal team (caseworkers, advocates, attorneys, etc.) are all in agreement that the goal should be switched from reunification to adoption. This usually happens when the parents have not kept up their end of the bargain to get their child back or, at least in this case, haven’t even tried. So they start contacting foster parents that would want to adopt and then decide which one would be the best match for the child.

And they chose us.

We have the child’s picture. I look at it everyday, and my heart begins to fill up with hope and love. We haven’t even met this kid yet.

I don’t want to be excited. I don’t want to feel that fluttery feeling in my heart when I look at that picture because I think of all those “what ifs” that would keep us from adopting him. It’s not because I’m a pessimist. I’m a realist, and there are so many foster parents that had an adoption right in their grasp only for the bottom to fall out. This is coming from the perspective of a foster parent. There may be victory in the reunification happening, but there are still broken hearts when it comes to saying goodbye.

As a realist, I can’t help but wonder if/when the bottom will fall out.

But I’ll still look at this picture everyday and love this child from afar.