We hear the worst stories of child abuse on the news. Stories that include starvation, severe neglect, physical abuse, and molestation. It’s horrific to hear, and it makes me angry. Unfortunately, it creates a stigma on parents whose children have been removed from their care.

In most cases, these parents have been enslaved by their past. It has led to a lack of self-worth, addiction, mental health issues, and not knowing who to turn to for help or who to trust. Some have numbed their pain in toxic ways, took desperate or illegal measures to make a little money, and never turned to resources out of fear that their children would be taken away if others knew how bad things have gotten. Some of these parents had children at a young age and had no idea how to care for themselves, let alone another human being.

I’m not advocating for the parents who knowingly, willingly, and delightedly inflicted harm to their children. They fall into a category too dark for me to comprehend.

As a foster parent, you are not only an advocate for the child; You also need to be an advocate for their parents. They need to know that you are not against them. That you are not the enemy. They need to know that you are there for them. CPS reaches out to family members and friends first when a child is removed from their home. This means if they are with you, there was no one else in this parent’s life that could or would care for them. You are a stranger who became a last case scenario. It’s vital that these parents know their child is in good and loving hands.

Many people don’t want to foster because they are afraid of getting attached and having to say goodbye. However, if you develop a positive and supportive relationship with the parents, it is very likely that they will want you to stay in their life after regaining custody.

It’s a wonderful thing to get birthday invitations from the kiddos that have come through our home. It’s a relief when we get text messages from the parents asking for advice or to babysit. I love that we can still buy them Christmas presents.

This is not guaranteed in every case. Either way, they know the door is open. It’s made the goodbyes less heartbreaking.