I’ll never forget the day this scared little 5 year old got out of the CPS worker’s car and stared up at me with the bravest face she could muster. I’ll never forget the look of fear and sadness she was desperately trying to hold back as she held her hand out to shake mine. I grasped her delicate, clammy hand and all the nervousness I had dissipated. Foster-mom mode turned up.

We got the call and agreed to take her and her 2 year old brother into our home only an hour before they arrived. It was an emergency placement, and many (if not, most) children who are emergency placements come to you with nothing but the clothes on their back. They’ve been removed from the home swiftly and had to leave everything they had behind. Fortunately, this builds in a bonding activity that most kids won’t say no to: shopping for new stuff.

Depending on your financial situation or what the kids have already been given from CPS, you can do this right away or when you get your first payment from the state. But even taking them to the store just to pick out a new toothbrush, fresh underwear, or a set of pajamas for the night could boost them up.

You can take this time to get to know them. What do they like or dislike? I could tell right away that this 5 year old girl was definitely a girly girl. Her eyes widened at the sight of hair bows and frilly, pink skirts. She asked for ballerina shoes and stopped to look at anything that had a picture of a Disney princess on it. For a short time, she forgot about being take away from her family and was wrapped in the excitement of picking out new clothes for her and her brother.

You may also get to know them on a deeper level. The 5 year old got in the car, buckled her seat belt, and said, “Okay, let me tell you what happened.” It was a ten minute drive to Walmart, and I knew her life story by the time we got there. She wanted to unload everything that led up to this point as though she’s been holding it in her whole life.

But it’s most likely that kids will not open up this much, and that in and of itself allows you to get to know them. Some may even want to ride in silence. Let them be silent. They have been forced into so much at this point. Little has been in their control. Giving them control over something simple, like a conversation, can build even the tiniest bit of trust with you.

The silence is loud. It speaks of heartache, confusion, and exhaustion. Pay attention to what they are saying when they are saying nothing.

I didn’t realize how a simple car ride to a store could be an eye-opener, and it’s become an essential task with every placement.