We dropped of the boys a week ago. They are now living with their mother full time. You would think I would be an emotional mess, but surprisingly, I am not. Neither is Michael. I trust that they are going to well taken care of, a far cry from what I thought several months ago. It also always helps when we can stay in contact with the kids. Their mother has graciously and selflessly allowed that. We get pictures from their first day at their new school. We were able to talk to them on the phone. I couldn’t be more grateful, and neither could our families who have taken the boys in as our own.

I have been “preparing” for the drop off for a long time now. A possibly unhealthy but psychological need for me to do. Of course, dear reader, many of you do the same thing. We prepare for the worst. We throw ourselves into the woes of a situation that we wouldn’t think we could bear. Maybe it’s because I would rather control when I deal with the grief instead of just waiting for it to happen at the time it’s supposed to.

The time of preparation was brimming with tears and sorrow. Not out of fear of them going back, but simply for the loss. I couldn’t pack their bags. I couldn’t even fold or pick out their clothes that final week. Every time I picked up a piece a clothing I knew it would be last time folding it and getting frustrated that “George”, yet again, wiped his ketchup-covered hand all over his handsome, white, buttoned-down shirt at lunch instead of using his napkin liked we’ve asked him a million times to do.

The toys Michael and I were always having to break up fights over were being placed in bags. The hot wheels that almost took out our brand new 65” TV because throwing them as hard as they could made the hot wheel go faster than the new tracks we got them.

All those little annoyances were being placed in a bag, and I didn’t want to say goodbye to them.

Three days before our last day with them, I cried. And amazingly I haven’t cried since. Not on the day we dropped them off, not on the drive home, and not when we spoke to them on the phone. God’s grace and people’s prayers washed over us like a cool breeze.

There are more adventures to come. In fact, we are on one now. But more on that later.